The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
