I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
