she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
