evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
