I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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