New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
