im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
