Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I need water and some morals
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
