shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's blow job season.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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