i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Pooping to opera.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
