Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
