Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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