I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
