This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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