took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
