The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
