I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
