Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
