Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
