i was rollin on her like bob the builder
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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