Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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