honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's blow job season.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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