I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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