you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
