I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
