how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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