Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
