The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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