do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
