i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
