don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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