i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
smell my finger.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
