Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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