Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
