Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
