Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
