How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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