I got chris browned last night
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
40s are totally the cure
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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