haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
