so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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