so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
