also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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