Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
The struggles of a small town man whore
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
