normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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