So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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