Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
