Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
