Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We need to get me chipped asap
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
