dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
