There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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