What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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