; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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